It's 11:43pm. I have to get up early to start teacher's in-service tomorrow. I wasn't supposed to take a nap today, but I did. I was just going to close my eyes for a minute. I even left my glasses on and laid my book on my stomach so I wouldn't sleep too long. Two hours later I woke up frustrated. I knew it would mean not being able to sleep later. I was right.
So, I just got back up because I can't sleep. My husband is peacefully sleeping. Grrr...it's always worse when he can sleep and I can't.
I have this record playing over and over again in my head. It's replaying all of my failures of the summer. Friends I didn't call. Weddings I didn't RSVP to. Birthdays I forgot. Couples we didn't have over. Online workshops I didn't finish. The bathroom that somehow never gets cleaned. Organizational projects I didn't complete. Spiritual goals I didn't reach. Fail. Fail. Fail.
These failures keep repeating themselves over and over and over in my head. When will I grow up? When will I accomplish what I intend to accomplish? When will I stop forgetting responsibilities? Could I ever live a life with minimal responsibilities? Do I need to move away from others and work only for myself in order to get my life straight? Am I incapable of functioning in normal human society?
I want to think that if I had no friends, no job, no church obligations, no family I could have my life planned out perfectly. I would answer to no one but me. I wouldn't let anyone down. I wouldn't ruin any relationships because, well, I wouldn't have any relationships. The only person I could disappoint would be me (and maybe my husband because I desperately need him by my side).
Now, I know that life free from responsibility is impossible to attain. No matter where I go, there will be relationships to work out. No matter where I go, I will have some obligation of some form. If I don't, I will be a miserable, cantankerous old wretch.
God wants me to interact with other Christians. There are all sorts of verses about interacting with friends and family. As much as I fail my friends and family, I need them desperately. I love all of my friends and family members. I couldn't really function without them. I need friends to drink coffee with. I need my mom to sing "You Poor Unfortunate Soul" in her very best Ursula impression every time I get too dramatic. I need my church family to keep caring about me. I need my brothers to pick on me. I need my dad to ask me about my weight. I need my sisters-in-law to talk literature with. I need to serve others so I stop focusing on me.
So, it's almost midnight. I'm under 8 hours of sleep. I probably shouldn't be writing a public blog post when I'm unable to sleep. What can I take away from this wandering rambling? I need others. I can't escape the relationships God has placed in my life just because I've done a shoddy job keeping up my end of the relationship. I never really wanted to be completely free of relationships anyways. I love my friends and family too much. I need to start praying and asking God to help me improve in my weak areas. I need to apologize to friends and family for slacking in being a good friend and relative. I need to work to cultivate the relationships in my lives. I need to shift focus from myself and onto those around me.
So that's what I'm gonna do. I can't fix anything right now. I can start tomorrow by sending off wedding gifts to the weddings I didn't make it to. Maybe later this week I'll call my best friend, Elizabeth. I also need to get a birthday card to my sister-in-law, Karen. Oh, and that bathroom needs to be cleaned too. I'll tackle each failure one at a time. Right now, I've gotten it all off my chest. It's time to shut off the brain and head to bed. I can conquer my failures tomorrow. Sorry for the vent. If you made it this far, thanks for listening to my mixed up thoughts. Hopefully it will encourage others who struggle with the same issues. Good night.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Where I've been...
I had such great intentions to blog daily this summer. Turns out I don't really have anything witty to say daily. Hmmm...maybe I should re-think the whole "writing" thing...maybe not. I'm only 25 after all. How much do I really have to say that is worthwhile?
I've been working really hard to get my classroom ready. I should take a picture of it, but it's not quite done yet and would make for a boring classroom. I'm a firm believer in not over-stuffing my classroom because it distracts both me and my students from learning. So, it looks a little bare.
I had a scare last week that I was going to have to switch classrooms AGAIN! Ugh. This was going to be my first year to be in the same classroom for more than one year. It takes me an average of about 2 years to get my space really organized, so I was really bummed that I was going to have to uproot my things yet again at the last possible minute resulting in a haphazard organization scheme. Thankfully the teacher I was going to switch with didn't want to switch rooms either. So, we convinced our principal it was in everyone's best interests to stay in the same spot. Phew. That was a close one!
I'm really ready for a routine. The lazy perfectionist needs structure or she ends up wearing pajamas until noon. Ahem...like today for instance. I don't know if I'll ever be able to work from home unlike other lucky people in this world. I just don't have the discipline!
School starts the day after Labor Day. I really can't wait. I want it to start on Monday, but alas, we have meetings all next week. Oh well, at least I get to meet my students on Tuesday at Orientation Night.
Well, I best be heading to the shower so I can eat lunch and head on over to scrub the walls in my classroom with magic erasers to remove the signs of last year's 6th graders. What are the chances that my principal brings by a new family to meet me when I'm wearing athletic shorts and a t-shirt whilst scrubbing my walls? Pretty high because that's how my luck works. Better re-think that outfit choice.
I've been working really hard to get my classroom ready. I should take a picture of it, but it's not quite done yet and would make for a boring classroom. I'm a firm believer in not over-stuffing my classroom because it distracts both me and my students from learning. So, it looks a little bare.
I had a scare last week that I was going to have to switch classrooms AGAIN! Ugh. This was going to be my first year to be in the same classroom for more than one year. It takes me an average of about 2 years to get my space really organized, so I was really bummed that I was going to have to uproot my things yet again at the last possible minute resulting in a haphazard organization scheme. Thankfully the teacher I was going to switch with didn't want to switch rooms either. So, we convinced our principal it was in everyone's best interests to stay in the same spot. Phew. That was a close one!
I'm really ready for a routine. The lazy perfectionist needs structure or she ends up wearing pajamas until noon. Ahem...like today for instance. I don't know if I'll ever be able to work from home unlike other lucky people in this world. I just don't have the discipline!
School starts the day after Labor Day. I really can't wait. I want it to start on Monday, but alas, we have meetings all next week. Oh well, at least I get to meet my students on Tuesday at Orientation Night.
Well, I best be heading to the shower so I can eat lunch and head on over to scrub the walls in my classroom with magic erasers to remove the signs of last year's 6th graders. What are the chances that my principal brings by a new family to meet me when I'm wearing athletic shorts and a t-shirt whilst scrubbing my walls? Pretty high because that's how my luck works. Better re-think that outfit choice.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Using a "Heart Map" in a Writer's Notebook
Lately I've been researching new methods for teaching writing. The main method that keeps coming back to me is the use of mentor texts with writing workshops and writing notebooks. I've been really challenged to start my own writing notebook so my students can see that I, too right even though no one is making me. Students love to imitate their teachers. I'm hoping by my students seeing me write, they will want to write as well.
Tonight I spent a good hour and a half in Panera alone reading the book A Writer's Notebook: Unlocking the Writer Within You by Ralph Fletcher. It's written for kids with the hope that their teachers will read it first and apply the principles to their own lives before forcing their students to apply it to theirs.
Tonight I started my very first entry. I created a Heart Map as suggested by a couple different educators. Here she is (I must say, I did a pretty decent job.):
It's of course rather childish, but I love everything about my childhood and wish I could return all the time. My favorite part of the this map is the center. I drew Ben as a stick figure in cowboy boots holding his fishing pole and harmonica. Not much else has been on his mind this summer other than those three things.
The purpose of this heart map is to remind writers of what is near and dear to their hearts. Writers do best when they write about either what they know or what interests them. I hope to come back to this map when I need inspiration for my own writing.
Tonight I spent a good hour and a half in Panera alone reading the book A Writer's Notebook: Unlocking the Writer Within You by Ralph Fletcher. It's written for kids with the hope that their teachers will read it first and apply the principles to their own lives before forcing their students to apply it to theirs.
The purpose of this heart map is to remind writers of what is near and dear to their hearts. Writers do best when they write about either what they know or what interests them. I hope to come back to this map when I need inspiration for my own writing.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Parenting Thoughts from a Non-Parent
Here's an interesting quote I came across in my back-to-school research: "What good are straight teeth and trumpet lessons to the child who isn't awake to the wonder that this world is charged with?"
I'm thankful for my parents who "got" this. We went on all sorts of family vacations all over the country. We didn't watch much TV when I was younger. We read a lot. Both of my parents told us all kinds of stories. My mom led Story Hours at our local library every summer while I was in elementary school. My parents took us to church and taught us all about God's amazing creation. This isn't to say that you shouldn't get braces or music lessons for your kids. One of my brothers had braces, and all of us learned how to play at least one musical instrument.
Certainly you can find wonder in the world from music lessons, and some kids just have awful teeth. But too many parents think they've "arrived" when their kids have beautiful pearly whites or killer musical talent or even impressive sports abilities. The result: boring, unimaginative kids.
I was semi-interested in music growing up. I was never really good and loathed practicing. I preferred to run around my backyard playing "Wonder Woman and Cat Woman" with my neighbor Meghan. It was just like it sounds. I was Wonder Woman, and Meghan was Cat Woman. Anyways, every once in a while I'd go to a music camp. There were a lot of highly talented musicians there. They forgot more about music than I ever understood. Many of them didn't have many interests outside of music.
Now I'm not trying to stereotype or poke fun. I believe strongly in the value of good musicianship. My mother-in-law is a former music teacher, my sister-in-law minored in music, my other sister-in-law is currently majoring in Music Education, my husband's cousin majored in music, my husband is a highly-talented trumpet player, we both played and traveled with the concert symphonic band in college, my best friend from childhood is a crazy good pianist and violinist, my dad has a couple vocal recordings on cassette from his college days of traveling with an ensemble, my cousin was accompanying her high school band and choir when she was in junior high, the list goes on and on and on. Every last one of these people understands the wonder of the world. Why? Because their parents let them.
So parents, let your kids explore. Let your kids discover things on their own. Let them outside by themselves. Take them on trips to national parks and museums. Talk about the things of this world that fascinate you. Model discovery in your own life. Invent imaginative games for them. When you do watch TV, watch things like the Travel Channel and Discovery and the History Channel. Applaud their attempts at creativity. Don't spend every vacation in Ocean City, NJ. Don't let video games or TV rule your children's lives. Don't buy copious amounts of toys to keep your kids occupied. Don't force your kids to practice hours upon hours upon hours a day (unless they really, really want to) of either music or sports.
You may be thinking that I don't have a whole lot of credibility in this area since I don't have kids. You're probably right. However, as a teacher, I've seen some kids with little to no imaginations because their parents don't help them develop their imaginations (probably because their grandparents didn't develop their parents' imaginations!). Some of these kids come from well-to-do, loving homes with parents who genuinely want what's best for their kids. They just don't know how to help their children see the wonder in the world.
Before life and schedules get crazy with the starting of school, make sure you help your children see the wonder in the world. They'll thank you for it one day...and so will their teachers!
I'm thankful for my parents who "got" this. We went on all sorts of family vacations all over the country. We didn't watch much TV when I was younger. We read a lot. Both of my parents told us all kinds of stories. My mom led Story Hours at our local library every summer while I was in elementary school. My parents took us to church and taught us all about God's amazing creation. This isn't to say that you shouldn't get braces or music lessons for your kids. One of my brothers had braces, and all of us learned how to play at least one musical instrument.
Certainly you can find wonder in the world from music lessons, and some kids just have awful teeth. But too many parents think they've "arrived" when their kids have beautiful pearly whites or killer musical talent or even impressive sports abilities. The result: boring, unimaginative kids.
I was semi-interested in music growing up. I was never really good and loathed practicing. I preferred to run around my backyard playing "Wonder Woman and Cat Woman" with my neighbor Meghan. It was just like it sounds. I was Wonder Woman, and Meghan was Cat Woman. Anyways, every once in a while I'd go to a music camp. There were a lot of highly talented musicians there. They forgot more about music than I ever understood. Many of them didn't have many interests outside of music.
Now I'm not trying to stereotype or poke fun. I believe strongly in the value of good musicianship. My mother-in-law is a former music teacher, my sister-in-law minored in music, my other sister-in-law is currently majoring in Music Education, my husband's cousin majored in music, my husband is a highly-talented trumpet player, we both played and traveled with the concert symphonic band in college, my best friend from childhood is a crazy good pianist and violinist, my dad has a couple vocal recordings on cassette from his college days of traveling with an ensemble, my cousin was accompanying her high school band and choir when she was in junior high, the list goes on and on and on. Every last one of these people understands the wonder of the world. Why? Because their parents let them.
So parents, let your kids explore. Let your kids discover things on their own. Let them outside by themselves. Take them on trips to national parks and museums. Talk about the things of this world that fascinate you. Model discovery in your own life. Invent imaginative games for them. When you do watch TV, watch things like the Travel Channel and Discovery and the History Channel. Applaud their attempts at creativity. Don't spend every vacation in Ocean City, NJ. Don't let video games or TV rule your children's lives. Don't buy copious amounts of toys to keep your kids occupied. Don't force your kids to practice hours upon hours upon hours a day (unless they really, really want to) of either music or sports.
You may be thinking that I don't have a whole lot of credibility in this area since I don't have kids. You're probably right. However, as a teacher, I've seen some kids with little to no imaginations because their parents don't help them develop their imaginations (probably because their grandparents didn't develop their parents' imaginations!). Some of these kids come from well-to-do, loving homes with parents who genuinely want what's best for their kids. They just don't know how to help their children see the wonder in the world.
 |
| My brother, Kent, and me at our aunt's wedding in 1992. This has nothing to do with imagination, but everything to do with how cute we were! |
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Back to School Anxiety
Every year it comes. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. The racing of my heart. The tangled thoughts in my brain. The utter inability to organize. The realization that school is coming, and once again I wasted my summer. This year is the same.
As far as summers go, I had a pretty relaxing and enjoyable summer. I don't have to switch classrooms. I only tutored twice a week. I spent my main vacation visiting family. I saw a lot of my hubby. I watched a ridiculous amount of TV. I read a lot of good books. I went camping. I accomplished some major organization projects. Somehow, though, I feel like I wasted my summer.
I had these grand plans to revamp my English curriculum...because...well...it's weak in some areas. I was going to read waaaaaay more books than I ended up reading. I was going to go camping more. I was going to experiment in the kitchen more. I was going to have more friends over. I was going to read my Bible more. More...more...more.
Well, I'm down to 345 hours and 45 minutes before Teacher's In-Service begins. I have 537 hours and 45 minutes before school starts. 14 days until In-Service. 22 days until school begins. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Where did the time go? Where?
The good news is, I don't have to switch classrooms. I found an amazing site this afternoon with all kinds of inspirational teaching ideas. I have 22 days until my little darlings are fully dependent on my for 8 hours a day, five days a week. I have some time.
I need to redeem this time. I need to plan, plan, plan. I need to leave the TV off and ignore Facebook. I need to focus on only repinning teaching pins. I need to gear up my body, soul, and mind for the next nine months of craziness. (I just realized that this sounds like I'm planning on having babies implanted in me...oops...I'm not!)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
As far as summers go, I had a pretty relaxing and enjoyable summer. I don't have to switch classrooms. I only tutored twice a week. I spent my main vacation visiting family. I saw a lot of my hubby. I watched a ridiculous amount of TV. I read a lot of good books. I went camping. I accomplished some major organization projects. Somehow, though, I feel like I wasted my summer.
I had these grand plans to revamp my English curriculum...because...well...it's weak in some areas. I was going to read waaaaaay more books than I ended up reading. I was going to go camping more. I was going to experiment in the kitchen more. I was going to have more friends over. I was going to read my Bible more. More...more...more.
Well, I'm down to 345 hours and 45 minutes before Teacher's In-Service begins. I have 537 hours and 45 minutes before school starts. 14 days until In-Service. 22 days until school begins. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Where did the time go? Where?
The good news is, I don't have to switch classrooms. I found an amazing site this afternoon with all kinds of inspirational teaching ideas. I have 22 days until my little darlings are fully dependent on my for 8 hours a day, five days a week. I have some time.
I need to redeem this time. I need to plan, plan, plan. I need to leave the TV off and ignore Facebook. I need to focus on only repinning teaching pins. I need to gear up my body, soul, and mind for the next nine months of craziness. (I just realized that this sounds like I'm planning on having babies implanted in me...oops...I'm not!)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
The Calorie King Diet
I've been dieting off and on since high school. I know you're not supposed to "diet," you're supposed to make lifestyle changes. Well, I need to diet to lose all the weight I'm supposed to and then I need to find a way to maintain. I've done Weight Watchers multiple times. I've only gone to the meetings once. I was well on my way to becoming a lifetime member for reaching my goal, but then I got married and moved 900 miles away and became really, really poor.
About a year and a half ago I did Weight Watchers online. I did really well, and even went down a pants size. But, I gained a ton of weight last year because of stress and laziness.
I'm sick of being fat. I'm starting to get to the point where it's getting hard to move as easily as I once did. Plus, now that I'm 25 I'm thinking about how healthy I'll be when I'm 85. If I continue down this path of misery, I won't reach 85.
More than anything else, I need to change my thoughts about food. I love food. I love the taste and texture and satisfied feeling I get when food travels through my mouth and into my stomach. I loathe thinking about calories and portion sizes. I hate the feeling of being out of breath during a workout. I hate how nasty I look when I exercise. I hate the smell of rubber tracks and gym floors.
I somehow need to reverse my thinking. I need to eat to fuel my body. I need to learn to love the feeling after a successful workout. I need to get comfortable with how I look while working out. I certainly look nastier in ill-fitting clothes and bathing suits.
I need to change!
My dad and brother are using a book called The Calorie King Calorie, Fat, & Carbohydrate Counter by Allan Borushek. It has a listing of almost every food you can think of and the calories, fats, and carbs. It includes most restaurants as well. For non-active women it recommends 1000-1200 calories per day in order to lose weight. So, I'm shooting for 1200 calories per day. I'm keeping track of the food I eat in a food journal. I'm calculating the calories throughout the day to make sure I'm staying on track.
So far, I think I like this better than Weight Watchers. I feel I can be more accurate since many recipes nowadays include nutrition info. My dad and brother have lost a significant amount of weight since they started back in July. I hope I can too. I'm tired of talking about it and not doing anything.
About a year and a half ago I did Weight Watchers online. I did really well, and even went down a pants size. But, I gained a ton of weight last year because of stress and laziness.
I'm sick of being fat. I'm starting to get to the point where it's getting hard to move as easily as I once did. Plus, now that I'm 25 I'm thinking about how healthy I'll be when I'm 85. If I continue down this path of misery, I won't reach 85.
More than anything else, I need to change my thoughts about food. I love food. I love the taste and texture and satisfied feeling I get when food travels through my mouth and into my stomach. I loathe thinking about calories and portion sizes. I hate the feeling of being out of breath during a workout. I hate how nasty I look when I exercise. I hate the smell of rubber tracks and gym floors.
I somehow need to reverse my thinking. I need to eat to fuel my body. I need to learn to love the feeling after a successful workout. I need to get comfortable with how I look while working out. I certainly look nastier in ill-fitting clothes and bathing suits.
I need to change!
My dad and brother are using a book called The Calorie King Calorie, Fat, & Carbohydrate Counter by Allan Borushek. It has a listing of almost every food you can think of and the calories, fats, and carbs. It includes most restaurants as well. For non-active women it recommends 1000-1200 calories per day in order to lose weight. So, I'm shooting for 1200 calories per day. I'm keeping track of the food I eat in a food journal. I'm calculating the calories throughout the day to make sure I'm staying on track.
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