Admiring My Work

(Disclaimer: my comma key randomly stopped working so no commas in this post...please don't think I'm an idiot)

Well lookee here...two posts in one week!

Maybe I can get back into this blogging thing again after all. Don't hold your breath.

This year I've been working on being a better housewife even while I'm working. I've made excellent progress. I've had some major setbacks in this department due to not being capable of managing my own stress. Overall I've made improvements though.

I've done all my dishes every night this week so far. I did a MAJOR spring cleaning project last week on my spring break which helps me stay on track. I'm hoping to keep a tidy home even when crazy busy and tired.

I've also been improving in my school work. I have all my papers graded for tomorrow and it's only 9:14 pm. Woohoo!

So...I've been perusing old posts of mine. I'm pretty wordy aren't I? Oh well...that's just me.

I'm not really sure what the purpose of this post was...I'm just babbling on about laziness and writing like usual. Two topics never far from my mind.

I'm Baa-ack!

If listen carefully you can hear my Steve Urkel voice announcing "I'm Baa-ack!"

Sorry it's been a little over three months since I've blogged. A lot has happened since then: School, tutor shortages, the death of my grandfather, the death of a friend's newborn, Hurricane Sandy and six straight days of no power or running water in my apartment, the busiest and most expensive Christmas season to date (we had to buy significant presents for about 27 family members). I could go on and on.

Phew!

I haven't done much blog reading either. I've kind of taken a much-needed break from the blogosphere in general.

But when I was home for Christmas, a very dear friend of mine encouraged me to get back into blogging. so here goes.

I'm really trying to make some lifestyle changes. The phrase "lifestyle changes" immediately brings up all sorts of negative connotations. What I mean is I really want to stop living a selfish, lazy life. I want to take better care of myself in order that I can serve others for many years to come.

I've been easing my way into this month by tackling a couple of big problem areas. So far, I've banned sugary treats for the month of January, started a 1200 calorie a day diet, and have started to refuse to go back to sleep after waking up and showering. If I can master these problem areas, my quality of life should greatly improve.

With all these changes, I'm "making room" for the Lord in my life. I've really pushed him aside as of late. I need to allow him to guide and direct my life rather than guide and direct myself.

Well, I better get off to school. I'm hoping by blogging before school I will motivate myself to get out of bed. We shall see!

Fail

It's 11:43pm. I have to get up early to start teacher's in-service tomorrow. I wasn't supposed to take a nap today, but I did. I was just going to close my eyes for a minute. I even left my glasses on and laid my book on my stomach so I wouldn't sleep too long. Two hours later I woke up frustrated. I knew it would mean not being able to sleep later. I was right.

So, I just got back up because I can't sleep. My husband is peacefully sleeping. Grrr...it's always worse when he can sleep and I can't.

I have this record playing over and over again in my head. It's replaying all of my failures of the summer. Friends I didn't call. Weddings I didn't RSVP to. Birthdays I forgot. Couples we didn't have over. Online workshops I didn't finish. The bathroom that somehow never gets cleaned. Organizational projects I didn't complete. Spiritual goals I didn't reach. Fail. Fail. Fail.

These failures keep repeating themselves over and over and over in my head. When will I grow up? When will I accomplish what I intend to accomplish? When will I stop forgetting responsibilities? Could I ever live a life with minimal responsibilities? Do I need to move away from others and work only for myself in order to get my life straight? Am I incapable of functioning in normal human society?

I want to think that if I had no friends, no job, no church obligations, no family I could have my life planned out perfectly. I would answer to no one but me. I wouldn't let anyone down. I wouldn't ruin any relationships because, well, I wouldn't have any relationships. The only person I could disappoint would be me (and maybe my husband because I desperately need him by my side).

Now, I know that life free from responsibility is impossible to attain. No matter where I go, there will be relationships to work out. No matter where I go, I will have some obligation of some form. If I don't, I will be a miserable, cantankerous old wretch.

God wants me to interact with other Christians. There are all sorts of verses about interacting with friends and family. As much as I fail my friends and family, I need them desperately. I love all of my friends and family members. I couldn't really function without them. I need friends to drink coffee with. I need my mom to sing "You Poor Unfortunate Soul" in her very best Ursula impression every time I get too dramatic. I need my church family to keep caring about me. I need my brothers to pick on me. I need my dad to ask me about my weight. I need my sisters-in-law to talk literature with. I need to serve others so I stop focusing on me.

So, it's almost midnight. I'm under 8 hours of sleep. I probably shouldn't be writing a public blog post when I'm unable to sleep. What can I take away from this wandering rambling? I need others. I can't escape the relationships God has placed in my life just because I've done a shoddy job keeping up my end of the relationship. I never really wanted to be completely free of relationships anyways. I love my friends and family too much. I need to start praying and asking God to help me improve in my weak areas. I need to apologize to friends and family for slacking in being a good friend and relative. I need to work to cultivate the relationships in my lives. I need to shift focus from myself and onto those around me.

So that's what I'm gonna do. I can't fix anything right now. I can start tomorrow by sending off wedding gifts to the weddings I didn't make it to. Maybe later this week I'll call my best friend, Elizabeth. I also need to get a birthday card to my sister-in-law, Karen. Oh, and that bathroom needs to be cleaned too. I'll tackle each failure one at a time.  Right now, I've gotten it all off my chest. It's time to shut off the brain and head to bed. I can conquer my failures tomorrow. Sorry for the vent. If you made it this far, thanks for listening to my mixed up thoughts. Hopefully it will encourage others who struggle with the same issues. Good night.

Where I've been...

I had such great intentions to blog daily this summer. Turns out I don't really have anything witty to say daily. Hmmm...maybe I should re-think the whole "writing" thing...maybe not. I'm only 25 after all. How much do I really have to say that is worthwhile?

I've been working really hard to get my classroom ready. I should take a picture of it, but it's not quite done yet and would make for a boring classroom. I'm a firm believer in not over-stuffing my classroom because it distracts both me and my students from learning. So, it looks a little bare.

I had a scare last week that I was going to have to switch classrooms AGAIN! Ugh. This was going to be my first year to be in the same classroom for more than one year. It takes me an average of about 2 years to get my space really organized, so I was really bummed that I was going to have to uproot my things yet again at the last possible minute resulting in a haphazard organization scheme. Thankfully the teacher I was going to switch with didn't want to switch rooms either. So, we convinced our principal it was in everyone's best interests to stay in the same spot. Phew. That was a close one!

I'm really ready for a routine. The lazy perfectionist needs structure or she ends up wearing pajamas until noon. Ahem...like today for instance. I don't know if I'll ever be able to work from home unlike other lucky people in this world. I just don't have the discipline!

School starts the day after Labor Day. I really can't wait. I want it to start on Monday, but alas, we have  meetings all next week. Oh well, at least I get to meet my students on Tuesday at Orientation Night.

Well, I best be heading to the shower so I can eat lunch and head on over to scrub the walls in my classroom with magic erasers to remove the signs of last year's 6th graders. What are the chances that my principal brings by a new family to meet me when I'm wearing athletic shorts and a t-shirt whilst scrubbing my walls? Pretty high because that's how my luck works. Better re-think that outfit choice.

The Muppet Theory

I recently came across this blog post which referenced this article. The original article proposed that all humans fall under two categories: Chaos Muppets and Order Muppets. If you never, watched the Muppets or Sesame Street as a child (or as an adult for that matter), this will make little to no sense to you.

Chaos Muppets include Animal, Miss Piggy, Ernie, Cookie Monster, Gonzo, and Grover. Order Muppets include Kermit, Bert, and Scooter. Chaos Muppets leave all sorts of chaos in their wake and are constantly messing up something or causing some sort of trouble or having an emotional meltdown. Order Muppets love schedules and perfection and stability and cleanliness. The author of this article basically lumps all of humankind into these two broad categories.

Now a lot of the article is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but it does bring up some interesting ideas. The author touches a little on the idea that Order Muppets tend to attract Chaos Muppets. The blog where I originally found the link to the article develops this idea further. I tend to agree with this statement.

My husband and I fit this general mold...to a point. I think I would fall under the category of Order Muppet and my husband would probably fall under the category of Chaos Muppet. Just look at the insides of our cars, and you can see how different we are. My husband's car is a death trap, while mine stays relatively clean.

However, I can be really messy when I get lazy. My messiness infuriates me. I get depressed and anxious whenever my house/personal space gets untidy. Somehow, I do a really good job of suppressing my anger over my messiness because I let it stay like that for far too long. My idea of total relaxation involves cleaning my entire house and then stretching out on my couch with some tea and a book while wrapped in my Snuggie. My husband's idea of relaxation is pushing aside his books and papers so he can sit down to play video games with no clue as to his surroundings.

Ben balances me out. I prevent him from descending into utter ruin. I think our differences allow us to live harmoniously. God put us together to help us build one another up. I say all the time that it's a good thing I'm not single, or I would be a total wreck of a human. No one would want to be near me. I need my Ben (as given to me by God) to help me work through my issues to keep me from becoming a total control freak.

Getting off the Couch and Other Nearly Insurmountable Tasks

My spring break is over. It was glorious. This morning I woke up multiple times wanting to throw up before my alarm went off . No, I'm neither sick nor pregnant (I always have to clarify that). I've just been dreading going to work lately. It's not that I work in a miserable environment. In fact, it's a pretty good environment. I just keep conjuring up these impossible situations in my head. Once I got in my classroom and started chatting with my students, I was completely calm and remembered why I enjoyed teaching. It's the getting up and moving part that stinks.

My parents left on Sunday afternoon after my husband left for work. When they left, I ate a bunch of leftovers and watched a chick-flick. I didn't try too hard to clean up my messes. Monday I woke up in a foul mood. I didn't really want to go fishing as my husband and I had previously planned. I just wanted to mope around on Facebook looking at other people's "glamorous" lives while I was stuck in crummy Pennsylvania. My husband's messes were added to my messes. I just kept telling myself that my life was miserable. Once we got on the pond and I started catching fish left and right I remembered why I love being outside so much and why I am so happy with my current life. It's the getting up and moving part that stinks.

My apartment is now really, really, really, really, really messy. It's Hoarder's quality. It's a perfect reflection of my heart and mind right now. Messy. My husband is miserable in this state, and I'm miserable in this state. Once I get up and start cleaning, I know I will be happier. Once the house is clean, I will have an overwhelming sense of accomplishment sweep over me. It's the getting up and moving part that stinks.

Here goes.

                                                                                  Source: citygirlchichome.blogspot.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Fighting Back the Lazy

I've been really frustrated with myself lately. I've been incredibly lazy. More so than usual. Even though he never says anything, I think my husband is starting to get a little annoyed with me. I decided I had to treat myself like an unruly child and create a chore chart complete with stickers. It includes categories like waking up on time, doing my daily and weekly chores, doing my devotions (which isn't a chore, but needs to become a habit), tracking my Weight Watchers points, exercising, writing, hobbying (which isn't a word), etc. I'm hoping by disciplining myself to be more productive I will be less miserable and more Christlike. How will I ever be a good mother if I don't start acting like a grown-up?

Some of my rewards for myself are TV time, Internet time, guilt-free shopping, magazine subscription, Kindle books, etc. I really hope this helps. Here goes!

Valentine's Day (with much laziness involved)

I was really looking forward to Valentine's Day this year. My husband didn't have to work on Valentine's Day for the first time in 3 years. Last year I brought ramen to him while we was at work and we had a poor man's Valentine's Day. This year, I was determined to make it extra special.

I was going to cook this elaborate ham dinner complete with cheesecake for dessert all by myself, and we were going to eat off of my china and perfectly starched tablecloth. Well, my crazy, hectic work schedule got in the way and I had to have Ben's help on the dinner. Then I got too tired the night before to get the cheesecake done, so I had to combine three different recipes to make a new cheesecake recipe to accommodate my laziness.

But you know what? It was still the best Valentine's Day ever. I got a beautiful heart-shaped necklace from Ben. I convinced him to watch Return to Me with David Duchovny and Minnie Driver (and he actually liked it). And to top it all off I got to cook with him, which is something I absolutely love to do since I can't multitask. We didn't use the china or fancy tablecloth, but we did have a great time together.

I thought I would share my lazy man's cheesecake recipe so others can accommodate their laziness (or lack of time) too. Here goes. I took some pictures of the process with my non-professional camera.

Easy Chocolate-Peanut Butter Cheesecake

(This is a combination of three recipes. The cheesecake is from here, the crust is from here, and the sauce is from a family recipe. The original inspiration came from here.)

Ingredients:
Graham Cracker Crust (you could also buy a crust, but making it is more fun)

• 1-1/2 cups crushed graham cracker crumbs (24 squares)
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1/3 cup butter, melted

Cheese Cake

• 2 pkg. (8 oz. each) cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 tsp. vanilla
• 2 eggs

Fudge Sauce Topping (you could buy a jar of topping, but I was to lazy to stop at the store for this)

• 2 cups sugar
• 2/3 cup cocoa
• 1/3 cup flour
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 2 cups water
• 3 tbsp. butter or margarine
• 1 tsp. vanilla

Peanut Butter Topping

• 1/4 cup peanut butter (or however much you want)
• 6 crushed peanut butter cups, optional (I didn't do this because it was already rich enough)

Directions:
Graham Cracker Crust

• In a small bowl, combine the crumbs and sugar; add butter and blend well. Press onto the bottom and up the sides of an ungreased 9-in. pie plate.
• Refrigerate for 30 minutes before filling, or bake at 375° for 8-10 minutes or until crust is lightly browned. Cool on a wire rack before filling.

 Cheese Cake 

• Heat oven to 325°F.
• Beat cream cheese, sugar and vanilla with mixer until blended. Add eggs; beat just until blended.
• Pour into crust.
• Bake 40 min. or until center is almost set. Cool. Refrigerate 3 hours. 

Topping

• Combine sugar, cocoa, flour, and salt in a saucepan. Stir well to blend.
• Add the water and butter to the saucepan.
• Heat to boiling; reduce heat; cook and stir for 8 minutes.
• Remove from heat and stir in the vanilla.
• Drizzle over set cheese cake.
• Store leftovers in glass jar in the refrigerator. (I had a ton of sauce leftover for future indulgence.)
• Melt peanut butter in glass bowl in microwave.
• Drizzle over set cheese cake.
• Sprinkle crushed peanut butter cups on top, if desired.

 Remember, this can be made even simpler by replacing the fudge sauce recipe with fudge ice cream topping and the graham cracker crust with a store-bought crust. Enjoy!

 
     

Saturday Morning Laziness

It's Saturday morning. It's 11:30ish and I'm still in my pjs. I'm too lazy to even turn on my Keurig for a cup of coffee. My house is an absolute disaster. It amazes me how two people in a tiny space can make such a huge mess in less than a week. I will never understand it. Part of the reason I'm being so lazy is my husband worked overnight last night as McD's. So, I'm trying to be quiet so he can get his sleep in before he has to work overnight again tonight.

Today is a beautiful snowy day. It's the first real snow since October. I love seeing all of the ugly grass covered in pure white snow. I would go out an take a picture, but that might expose my trashy state to my landlords. Can't have that now. Maybe I'll start working my way to the shower. We shall see